“It’s the most wonderful time of the month, lalalaa!”
Hey girls, aren’t periods just FUN?
Like….You just count the days and can’t WAIT to have them again.
And guess what’s even more fun!?
Having the red dot days while you’re on vacation!
Ah yes…can’t think of anything more perfect than that.
In this article, I’m gonna share some tips on how to make your road trip less sucky,
if you happen to be on your period that time.
And after that, I’m gonna tell you a little story about the time I was doing a road trip in Iceland with Aunt Flow.
Keep reading if you’re fine with uterus stuff
– Don’t read this if you’re disgusted by the “feminine mystique”.
HOW TO DEAL WITH YOUR PERIOD ON A ROAD TRIP?
<<<<<<<<OR ON VACATION>>>>>>>>>>>
1. STOCK UP ON YOUR FAVORITE FEMININE HYGIENE PRODUCTS
It’s pretty obvious, but it’s important to think this through.
The products that you’re used to using, might not be sold at your destination.
So be prepared and do your research thoroughly. Better be safe than sorry!
(For example in USA it was super difficult to find tiny mini tampons. It kinda pissed me off. But in Iceland everything was normal again.)
2. PACK A SURVIVAL KIT
Have it with you at all times.
Your survival kit should include:
Ibuprofen and Aspirin to the rescue. Without the help of ibuprofen I guess I’d be dead already. So have your drugs at the ready. Don’t forget them. Don’t you dare.
– Hot water bottle
-Extra pair of underwear….for just in case you know…..
Snacks are important. Imagine the HORROR of having a nightmarish cramp AND being hangry at the same time?
I think it would be more enjoyable to be in hell at that point, than in the same spot with you.
So remember to eat.
3. WEAR COMFORTABLE CLOTHES & WRAP YOURSELF ON A BLANKET
We all want to look fabulous at all times, but sometimes it’s simply not possible.
Sometimes you’re just too bloated to wear any of your normal clothes and and it makes you feel so disgusting you just want to cry.
But because you don’t want everyone around you to know what a horrible monster you are, you gotta suck it, and just wear an oversized hoodie and baggy sweatpants, and pretend that everything’s cool.
Forget the glamorous IG “outfit of the day”-pics you planned to take. That ship has sailed. Now you only gotta focus on being coooomfy.
4. USE A BATHROOM EVERY CHANCE YOU GET (Or plan your bathroom breaks)
I think this is pretty self-explanatory, but you can’t just drive past a bathroom and think you’ll be fine. Because you won’t be. Especially if it’s the heaviest day.
5. ALWAYS COUNT TO 10 BEFORE SAYING OR DOING SOMETHING STUPID
The things you say and do during your MENSIES can be pretty awful.
To make everyone’s journey more lovely and wonderful, try not to be a monster.
So if something starts to piss you off – just count to ten before bursting into flames.
Or just take some distance to your travel buddies. Walk 50 meters behind them so that you can grunt and cry alone.
6. DON’T EXHAUST YOURSELF TOO MUCH & TRY TO BE AS COMFORTABLE AS POSSIBLE
Try to minimize all struggling and working out (unless you like working out on your period. I don’t cos it makes me puke). If you have to walk long distances – do it slowly. Like an old emu with a broken leg.
7. TELL YOUR BUDDIES YOU’RE ON YOUR PERIOD
They’ll know what’s up and hopefully try not to annoy the hell out of you.
Remember – even though periods are disgusting and horrible and make you want to die – they’re still completely normal and there’s nothing to be ashamed about.
8. DON’T LET AUNT FLOW STOP YOU FROM ENJOYING YOUR HOLIDAY
She can be a bitch, I would know.
But it’s not the end of the world, even if it would feel like it.
So just enjoy your adventure with a pad in your pants, and just lie down on the ground if you have to. And if someone looks at you funny – just hiss like a rabid raccoon.
Last summer I was in Iceland with my two (male) cousins. It was supposed to be the best week of my life: whale watching, bar hopping in Reykjavik, a road trip, walking up hills to see amazing sights, sleeping in strange houses and eating camper style food.
It would be a tough week with not so much sleeping, lots of walking, and no bathroom breaks guaranteed.
So naturally I was on my period that week.
And apparently my uterus had decided to pull some extra crappy moves this time,
for all of us to enjoy.
For the first couple of days I managed to hide my suffering from my travel mates.
My emotions were swirling around in my head like a turd does when you flush a toilet,
and every tiny thing tried to push me over the edge.
For example, it pissed me the F off, when the guys wanted to buy food from a grocery store and I didn’t. I got so angry I almost couldn’t talk.
Normal times. Like who gets angry over something so dumb?
Oohhh my stupid woman brain.
One day before our road trip, my body started pulling some Game of Thrones-type of torturing on me.
I was SO BLOATED I didn’t even fit in my regular clothes.
It was like someone had used the Harry Potter Engorgio-spell on my ladyparts.
I couldn’t act like everything was cool anymore.
I had to tell my cousins why I was being more awkward than usual.
First I felt a little irked and weirded out by having to say those words out loud to them, but then I just was like “well screw this” and blasted it out.
I’M NOT HUNGOVER I’M ON MY PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And the guys we’re like “lol ok”. BFD.
Now there were no secrets between us and I could openly express what I was going through.
But my uterus hadn’t worked all of its magic on me just yet. The best was about to come.
ON THE ROAD
We went for a little hike around this beautiful picturesque cliff by the beach.
We were walking up and down the hills, and of course I felt the climbing in my abs, even though they’re minimal.
This super workout then of course woke my uterus up, and boy did I start cramping!
I couldn’t walk anymore. I was in excruciating pain. I had to lie down on the grass and tell the boys to just leave me behind (It’s great that I’m not a dramatic person).
They climbed the cliff up and waited for me there. After dying down in the grass for a good 15 minutes, I somehow got the strength to climb up to where the boys were.
For about 10 seconds everything was alright. We started walking back to our hostel.
Luckily it was near, less than a mile. But I couldn’t make it.
I started cramping like NEVER BEFORE.
I just collapsed on the ground. I didn’t wanna make a scene so I just calmly died on the field.
The boys then suggested that would it be cool if they walked to the hostel, took our car and then came to pick me up.
“Yeah let’s do that I guess” I said as I tried not to bleed to death.
The second I got out of the car I ran into the nearest bathroom,
and spent some nice warm minutes (more like an hour) over there
poopin’ and puking my life away.
Life as a woman is such a beautiful blessing, don’t you think?
After some struggling, I finally almost felt like a person again, and went to our room all covered in sweat.
I looked at my cousins. They looked at me.
Everyone was silent.
“I thought I was gonna die” I finally said.
“SO DID WE” They laughed with relief.
I then threw myself dramatically on my bed and cried
“I want candy”
“What kind of candy?
“We only have chocolate bars, do you want one?”
But at this point the boys already knew how to deal with their psychotic cousin, so they stopped talking to me for a while.
The rest of the trip I was just extremely happy I had the whole backseat of the car just for myself.
I made a little nest there and slept my pain away.
“On a scale from 4 to 10 how pissed off are you right now?”
“I want to say eight but I’m feeling fifteen”
Have you experienced something similar? Share your story on the comments below!
Until next time
xoxo, Miss Fancypants